:: it's still fantasy ::

i think jay's really good. his new album certainly surpassed his previous album, november's chopin. his songs are rather versatile, yet they retain his "flavour".

:: exercise ::

the haze wasn't so bad today so i played tennis. i improved. i didn't train but i improved by watching roger and andy play over the past few weeks. not bad huh.

i think i suck at the gym. everything seems so heavy and i can't even complete 1 set of anything. haha.

:: random thoughts ::

i was, as usual, dazing and daydreaming when i was at work today. workload's been pretty low since most of the bankers have moved to the new building. although i am the only customer support personnel servicing what's left of about 200 bankers, there isn't much to do.

i wasn't thinking about what i should do if i win the lottery. that usually leads to a vision of a big house with a big garden for refund to play in. then i'll drive home in my favourite car which is currently the rx8. but that's so typical of most people. daydreaming.

today i thought about my life so far. like what would have happened if i studied harder when i was younger. i'd probably be better off if i was sent to a better school without all that bad influence from my classmates. but i quickly realised that if that were to happen, i'd most likely not meet those people i know so far in my life.

and i surprised myself a little when i found that there isn't many people around i can call friends.

most people think that i am cold and a little aloof. it's true that i don't take to making friends with people easily. i am picky. if i am pissed, i wouldn't hesitate to just ignore the person completely. if i am no longer comfortable, why would i wanna force myself to suffer and, at the same time, put on a pretence and lie to the world?

then i thought about people whom came in and out of my life. there were the fun people i knew in primary and secondary school. the amount of trouble we create for others and ourselves.

then there're people who proclaimed their love for me. come to think of it now, we were just foolish people, who don't know what we were doing.

finally, i thought of what i have now and the people who are still in my life. and i smiled to myself.

:: my life ::

i am proud of myself. for the first time in my life, i actually enjoy going to work. although i am still guilty of the occasional grumblings, i do put in effort in ensuring the smooth operation of my workplace.

i thought i would choke during work due to the nature of it being a service provider. i am not the kind of person that likes interacting much with people. i always thought that having a desk-bound job that requires minimal communication would be the best for me. but this job requires me to be on the phone most of the time, and at times, i need to speak to my customers face-to-face.

i guess this is what they call job satisfaction. i feel happy when i solve a problem at work. some of my colleagues are major screw ups and they always surprise me with the amount of trouble they create for the customers. but i always manage to come up with a recovery action to salvage the entire situation.

but again, juggling work and studies is a big chore to me. and i also want to spend more time with him, with my family and also refund.

i get worried sometimes that the relationship will sort of fade. we hardly have a chance to meet each other. and even if we do, we are both very tired from our daily activities, we don't do much. usually just slack out or play games on the xbox. come december, i would really want to go somewhere with him.